Hi Ho Hi Ho - it is off to work I go!

Back to Work

I have been unemployed or semi-retired for 4 weeks, it has been good but I wanted to do more.

Week One

• I had a friend pass and had the funeral. That week was emotional and spent the latter half curled up on the sofa watching movies. I was technically still working as I was taking it as a holiday.

Week Two

• I started with the lists of lists of lists ..... this was all I seemed to do, did not get many things done on the lists. 

Week Three

• I was asked if I would cover for someone in another department for the full week - that was working more than I normally did. 

Week Four

• I have spent the first half of the week looking after a friend who was in a car accident. Also preparing to go back to work as I was offered a job today.

I guess you can imagine that not a lot of things have been done on all those lists that I made in week two.

Things not done:

• Run away to the beach and read books
• Work on my book, that I have been trying to write for years
• Go through all my photos from my holiday (approximately 7000) and get them printed to hang in the hallway
• Swimming in the morning, this is a great way to start the day but I do find it takes it out of me a bit
• Volunteer at the local radio expanding my skills and learning more about my local community. 
• Do lots of yoga to find inner peace
• Find myself... I am not sure I was lost - just misplaced.

Well, none of that has been done but I can still work on them and try not t lose myself in my work...

I have been doing a photo challenge for the month of October, to take a photo every day and post to Instagram and FB. This has kept my creativity side of me very busy and I have really enjoyed the distraction. I have also started a new # for me which made me very excited #scottishgirlintas - got to love random #'s.

Some of my favourite pictures so far:

Chicken Foot - "The Horror!"

Leo - my dog "Sniff"

"The Wood Pile"

There are some that are not so good but it has been great fun.

Follow-up: I did not eat great the other day, too much Pizza - got to love pizza. 

Spring! Flowers in the Garden.

Spring is in the air!

What can I say but Spring has Sprung! I spent a bit of time today wondering around the garden just taking pictures of all the blossom that is out.

Since we have a few ducks that always seem to be hungry they spent the time following me around as waiting for me to give them more food. That has only happened that one time when I thought they had not been fed so I fed them. They ended up with two feeds that day... and let me just say, they do not need it.

 I am not good at recognising the flowers or plants in the garden but I do know which ones I like because they look pretty.

Little Purple Flowers - that has a lovely smell

Just starting to blossom

Open for the world to see

Blossom

 During the photographing section, I was concentrating on the getting some good shots. I had not noticed the massive slippery poo at my feet. I managed to slip and slide my way through the poo with the ducks looking at demanding that I feed them.

Duck - The Poo Machine

Follow-up: Been busy around the house, cleaned out Narnia and I can now see the floor. I have also sorted out some clothes to sell at the local second-hand clothes market. 

Not Working!

Not Working or Semi-Retired.

I have finished the contract that I was working on and I am now sitting at home working out what do to with my career.

I have been applying for jobs that I find that might interest me or keep me out of trouble. There has not been very many.

The other things I have been doing is writing lots lists. Lists of things that I am not doing. 

• Put up new curtain rails
• Clean out the spare room - Narnia - things that go in there get lost
• Clean out wardrobe 
• Tidy the deck ready for the summer
• Clean all the cobwebs from our entrance way
• Write my book - work on chapters 1- 4 
• Do spring cleaning around the house 
• Register to volunteer at local radio

Succulent Heaven!

Things I have done:

• Filled in form to register as volunteer - not handed it in
• Added more crap to Narnia 
• Pulled all my scarfs out my wardrobe and put them in a pile
• Opened book to read - decided to read the new Dan Brown book instead
• Started a photo challenge - posting a photo a day on FB and Instagram 
• Made more mess on the deck by spray painting glass jars to put wee succulents in
• Spent loads of hours looking up ways to clean and organise things on Pinterest 

The lists are getting longer instead of my usual which is ticking off everything on my list. This break is good for me it is showing me even if I do not get everything done, some things will get done.

Follow-up: I have not had a hot chocolate - I think it might have broken my addiction it was so horrible. Although I do have a new addiction online shopping.... make me stop. I order stuff then forget I have ordered.... not good. 

Older But Wiser

Another Year Older - but am I wiser?

I have a turned another year older and not feeling like I should be this old. Birthdays are always a great time to reevaluate your life... or is it called to look back and see how quickly time has passed.

Over the last month, I have tried to have fun and not to act like grown up, but life makes that hard sometimes.
I have eaten more than I needed and enjoyed every mouth full. Scones made with cider - I think I might have to try and make them someday but for just now I enjoyed some else making them.

Afternoon Tea - Scones, Jam and Cream

I went on trips on a boat to enjoy the sunset and take in the serenity!

Sunset over the Houn River in Tasmania

Trying to work out life has been hard, I am 46 years old and I have still not figured how to be a grown-up. I am not a career person and I think one day I will find a job that I love.... until then when I am not at work, I will act like a teenager. I do not think I am any the wiser!

No one needs to grow up and act like an adult!

Follow-up: Had a hot chocolate the other day and it was yuk.... what a waste of time. I hate it when you get a hot chocolate and it is horrible. 

Eliminated from The Isalnd

Elimination!

After my three rejections from my job applications, I decided it was time to remove myself from the Island for a while and see the bigger world.

Girls weekend in Melbourne was called for and I was excited but exhausted before I even started.

My main objectives:

• Shop until I could not shop any longer
• Eat 
• Be merry
• and more shopping

So let the fun begin.  I started o my journey and headed strait to the shops to find some clothes and I was not disappointed. I got some nice work tops and also some lovely skirts. I was in my element. It was time to grab that bargain.

While I was in Melbourne I manged to take in a few sights that the city has to offer.

Love old buildings!

Coffee in the alley, very Hipsterish. 

I am not sure what I like more the hunt for a great bargain or getting new clothes. The best fun I had was going around IKEA. Although I could not buy much as I could not fit into my luggage.

Wigs at Ikea... got to love that.

Follow-up: Well had an amazing hot chocolate when in Melbourne. I have not been doing exercise... I ended up with the dreaded lurgy instead. Stuck in bed for 2 weeks and had the most stunning scabby nose. Got to love winter. It must be time for Spring!

Three Interviews and No Plan

Three Interviews!

The three jobs I applied for, I got three interviews.
The first one as you know went very bad and I know the shock and surprise to find out that I did not get that one.

The second one was with the accounts, the interview went so much better. I think that was because I kinda knew that it was not really what I wanted to be doing.

I did get a lovely call to tell me that I had not got the position but they were very impressed with me. It was such a relaxing and there was no personality test. Yeah.

The third one was the job that I was drawn to. I wanted this job but my life plan... that I was doing said it was not for me.

Yes. I am doing a life plan - have not got far with it. I started to write the plan down.

The Question was asked "What are you main priorities in life?".

I scribbled down things that I could think of:

• Work
• Husband
• Dogs
• Socializing 
• Friends
• Family
• Photography
• Being Creative - writing, drawing

I sat for a while looking at the list thinking that something was missing. Then it hit me - my health - the reason that I am doing the life plan because something needs to change as I am over working and getting sick. I deleted that list and time to start again.

Back to the third interview. It was amazing, the women interviewing me was so lovely and when I left I thought. I might not have the job but I have a new friend.....
Did not get this job either, it was three for three. My confidence was cracked and I was feeling a bit low. At least I might have mad a new friend. looking on the bright side.

Sunset on a Rough Week!

Follow-up: Have been doing the Yoga but I need to do more to loose weight. No Hot chocolates I feel that I am wasting my winter. 

Change, change, change.....

Change is Good!

Today was a changing day for me. My direct boss worked her last day, I could see in her face and here in her tone of voice that she was nerves and sad to leaving her position.

The change in her life is huge - she has been with the company for eleven years and flat out for the last 3 years as if she has just been treading water.

Taking on a management position  three years ago her life changed and took on so much. She was not a great boss but the support was not there and her position was constantly changing.

I was watching her today saying last goodbyes and getting ready to walk out a door that she has walked into  for the last 11 years. It was sad and moving.

I asked myself these questions

• Why would you become a manager
• Were is the support for managers
• Are they set up to fail
• What makes a good manager

Sometimes the things close are just out of focus!

So the position that I am working in is temporary and is coming to a close. I am trying to work out were my life is going and what to do.

Things I have done to make change my life or move it forward:

• Applied for an acting position for my bosses job
• Applied for a job in accounts
• Applied for the management accommodation

Thinking the my bosses position today - why did I apply but I am 99% sure I do not have the position. The interview is the worst I have ever been to. 

Things I said in my interview:

• There was a personality test and I said "oh I did ones of these before and it I was unstable"
• Asked about weaknesses - "I do not tolerate peers or managers that do not work to the same standard as me".
• What are do you think the job entails "managing people" was the only thing that seemed to leave my mouth.

So here I am. I know that change is coming and it is coming soon no matter what. I can not stop and I can not control what is going to happen. I can do things to sway it. 

I am a pebble on the beach getting dragged around by the sea!

Follow-up: I am doing yoga every night before bed and I did a 5k run / walk the other day. I am getting my life back in some sort of order. I am trying to write a life plan - that is not going as well. 

Go for a Walk

Try Walking!

The sun was shinning.I had been sick for a few days stuck in the house and as I opened Facebook for the first time in this morning. One of those memory things pop up.

Look at your memory from 8 years......You ran 10km.

I froze. 'WHAT' I herd the loud voice inside my head scream. I ran 10km as I looked at my body lying in bed with a big pair of fluffy pajamas with my boobs partly blocking my view. I could not even the length of myself now.

I sighed and decided I had to make changes. I might not be able to run 10km but I can get fit.

• Do yoga before bed and when I get up - at the moment I can only do one Sun Salutation, but I can do it.
• I will start to do more walking - I have been trying but not doing a very good job
• Eat better - no more sugar (or cut down on sugar)
• Register for a 5km run
• Do a 5km walk on Saturdays

So I headed off in my new journey of change.

I headed out in to the sun with my head held high and felt this is it time to change.

Time to Walk

I even did my yoga before bed. Yeah me! I


Follow-up: I tried to make the Chia latte - it did not taste right - to much black tea.  I will keep trying. 

Jobs or Career

What to do - Job or Career!

Today was the day to start applying for new jobs. I am coming to near the end of my contract and it is time to start looking. Having spent what it feels like most of my adult life looking for a career, I think I might stop.

I want to find something that will challenge me but will also keep me motivated. Looking at my job options that I have to complete by the end of this week.

There is a 8 week position in a Management postilion:

• This would be great experience 
• It would set me up maybe for other management positions 
• Will challenge me and push me to learn

A property management positions is available:

• Will give me an idea if I actually want to run my own property business
• Permanent position 
• It will push me in a new direction

Accounts payment officer:

• It is a part time position
• I do not meet all the criteria but I think I could convince them I can learn on the job.
• It is not the most exciting job it will not keep me motivated
• It is also permanent position

   Were do I even start I can not decide so I will apply for all of them. I will probaly not get any but here goes.

Instead of starting any of my applications I decided to do a day of cooking! What can I say I am great at procrastination. 

Country Chicken 

Sausage Casserole  

Tomorrow is another day and I will look at everything with fresh eyes and a fridge full of food.

Follow-up: I have not had any chocolate and I have cut down on my Chai Latte's. The reason is I have found a new place to have the best Chai Latte and it is not powder and full of sugar. I will find out how they do it and I will pass it on. Everyone needs a great Chai Latte in their life. 

To Network or Not to Network?

Out and About!

So this week has been a bit of a very unusual week for me. I am doing my usual work running around just trying to get stuff finished.

It all started early one morning:

• I had a tourism breakfast. I headed along for 7:30 am half asleep and bleary eyed. Arriving at the event with my dress half done up at the back as I forgot to ask for help before my husband left for work.
• I had tried to put on a wee bit of makeup just to take the dark rings from under my eyes away. 
• The breakfast was ok... and the talks were interesting but I think I was so tired at this time in the morning I was struggling to stay awake. 
• Headed to working feeling as if I had already done my full days work.

The same night after a full day at work:

• I was asked to go to an event - so off I went at 7:00 pm at night to the next event. 
• I arrived and knew no one. I was feeling weird very over smiling at random strangers. 
• Someone I knew arrived I just about jumped for joy. Chatting to them for a while it was easy to notice that I did not belong here with all the high rollers and politicians. 
• Once the speeches, that consisted of telling everyone how great they were, I said my goodbyes and headed home. 

I decided when back home in my pajamas, that social networking is really not my thing. Smooching did not suit me and I do swear a bit to much as well.

I was so pleased when the weekend came around and the thought of spending the day in PJs in from of the TV.

Alas, this was not to be. 

• Got a call asking if I wanted free lunch. Well Yes. who ever says not to free lunch.   
• I had to dress up - corporate or cocktail. This took about 40 minutes going through my wardrobe trying to squish my fat ass into clothes that I had put on in a long time.
• Once I was dressed I headed out - to my free lunch.
• It turned out it was more than just free lunch, I was at lunch with people that I have only seen on TV. 
• It surely and completely out of my depth, for the first hour II struggled to say anything. 
• I even introduced my self and did not mention my name.

Dressed up trying to fit in

I was never so happy to be home. 

Sunday consisted of things I can handle so much better:

• Wearing PJs most of the day
• Hugging baby lamb
• Spending time with my family

Sleepy baby lamb.

This was the best part of my weekend.

Follow-up: I have had a Nutella Hot Chocolate the other day - it was amazing. I have had to resist getting another one. I have not managed to do anything to get my work life balance back into line. Still need to work on that one. 

Anxiety - Why the Shame

Anxiety is Over Whelming! 

I do talk about myself a lot but I guess it is mostly drivel. Today will be different I am wanting to get some things off my chest. 

Truths about me that I do not like to admit:

• have bad anxiety
• get depressed
• take lots of medication that increase both of anxiety and depression
• I had a transplant and get sick a lot... I mean a lot - even the smallest thing floors me
• when I get upset it takes me ages to get over it...
• I over think every aspect of my life - even when it is good.
• Have meeting with my lovely psychologist about once a month - who gives me ways to cope
• I view seeing my psychologist as a weakness - not that I view other people that way just me
• Struggle with feeling stupid and not good at what ever I do - therefore always try hard
• Have been bullied during my life more times than I like to think about -from young to present
• Hate confrontation and shouting 
• Never like to admit that I am not strong - stay strong and push through

Everyday is a new challenge and some days are a lot better than others. I hope tomorrow is a better day.

The dawn of a new day!

Other Truths about me that I feel I will never achieve:

• Would like to run my own business and therefore be my own boss
• Publish a book
• Not have to deal with people that are bullies 
• Be able to manage my anxiety so I do not feel so over whelmed and struggle to get out of bed
• Be great at something that I like doing - I am one of these people that do looks of things but I do them mediocre 
•  Be strong when people treat me like shit and be able to handle it better.

Wishing the fog would lift!

As you may have guessed I am trying to work some things out in my head, but it feels that it is so foggy in there at the moment. Portia  (the critical voice in my head) is saying in her judging, very loud, posh ascent  - "you are stupid, useless, horrible person, could not cope running a business, why would anyone want you to work for them you are always sick," etc... You get the drift.

The tiny little voice Alice (the positive voice in my head) very quietly spoken and can be very rarely heard with all the other racket going on, but every now and then she breaks through saying "you are great, intelligent, hard worker, funny, " 

Alice is so gentle that Portia pushing her aside while rolling her eyes, with her Resting Bitch Face... Say sorry as she is shoved out the way, thinking that she is always in the way and needs to be more quite....

Life is complicated inside my head. Thanks for letting me get this off my chest or more like out of my head. I am going to try and get some sleep with Portia screaming in my head.

Follow-up: I had to much chocolate today, but I loved it so much. I have done no exercise again for the full week and I have hardly left my bed today. Tomorrow is another day!  

Instagram Work

Instagraming For the Day  with Professional Instagramers!

Well what a day I had on Saturday. I went on an instagrameet... yes you may wonder what that was. I did as well. 
It is a group of people who are either professional instagramers or have large numbers of followers. Obviously I am none of these. 

We met and they all said what they did for a living. I felt just a little bit out of my depth from the start, I was so nerves that I forgot what my work # - the reason I was there.

People I met:

• A couple of professional Bloggers - who write and also edit for themselves and also companies. Both had also written and published books
• Professional photographers - one who looked about 12 years old but very passionate, the other was a more experience photographer but less experienced with the content that we were looking at. The second one usually did scenic photos.
• Local people that worked for advertising companies that run other businesses Instagram page

Check out all the Cameras. 

 They had set up a table with food to get the best light and therefore the best Instagram picture. Me I took pictures of them! I was trying to get some advice and work out the best things to do. I ended up finding some amazing people and just spending the day talking and socialising.

 Then there was me... 

• Tried blogging - still working on that but do not think I will ever get a book deal from it
• Do photography as a hobby and still take about 100 pictures to one good picture
• I do manage my work Instagram page but I fell into that by pure chance and it is only a very small part of my job.

Some of my Pictures from the day -  from my DSLR.

Locally grown Hazelnuts @ our local farmers market

Kombucha - the new craze in Health foods

Just a little bit of sparkle for the day

Seafood Chowder - it was amazing

Dessert and wine

I had a great day! I do not think I will ever be a professional. I will stick to having fun.

Follow-up: After a day of indulgent I have not been able to stop. I have had two hot chocolates in two days. I was doing well. I am still working hard but today I decided to take part of the day off - thinking I would get loads done. I got nothing done.

Working 9 to 5

What a Way to Make a Living!

I have been so flat out working full time - I have not had time to catch my breath.


I have noticed that when I work it is like when you are 16 years old and you get a new boyfriend. Everything is dropped to make sure you put 110% into the relationship...

Well that is how I work... I put in 110% and things that I love fall by the way side.

1. Writing my thoughts down so they are not stuck in my head
2. Catching up with friends and doing ladies that lunch
3. Doing exerciser - especially swimming - this clears my head and gives me time to stop thinking
4. Do weird projects around the house - learn to sew, paint, draw, meditation....etc
5. Work on my Photography

A to-do list was not sure were to start

Things that I have managed to fit into my time while not at work.

1. Have time off sick (remember I am a transplant patient - over work = getting sick)
2. Sleeping a lot at weekends 
3. Eat lots of crap food that is not good for me
4. Spent a lot of time with my psychologist - who I always seem to see more off the more I work.

As you may see there is a bit of a pattern here. I have been off for the last few days (sick of course) and had time to think about work life balance. It is a hard one for me to find. I need to not treat my job like my first boyfriend when I was 16 and let everything fall by the way side. 

I must do better.... Maybe if I write it thousand times in lines it will sink in. 

Today with my dogs thinking about work life balance

I have stopped doing things that keep me happy and sane - time to start working on me. Maybe one thing at a time.

Follow-up: It has been so long! This is were I will do better - write blog. Still loving chocolate. 

And so I am back....

Back to the Real Word!

I have made it back from my 3 month holiday. It was amazing and yes traveling does broaden the mind. I have had my mind blown wide open...

I have been back for nearly a year - as we left in May 2016 and it is know nearly April 2017. I can hear you asking what has happened to you in all that time.


Well life got in the way. Well more to the point my life as a transplant patient got in the way. On and off I have been sick in some way since  have returned:

• Colds (plural) 
• Flu
• Sinus infection
• Food poisoning 
• just to name a few things... 

I have been on antibiotics what feel like the hole time as well - which make me feel amazing (not).

During this time I have also started working full-time.... So my body is loving me.

I have manged to get dancing once and swimming twice... However, I have managed to go walking that is the safest of exercise, fewer people and less chance of getting sick.

This is my real world - but is it so different from other peoples? I will keep the coming back short and sweet.

Follow- up: Antibiotics keeping my body going at the same time making me feel like crap. Although danced twice in a year really missing it... will have to go back as a beginner as can not remember anything. Oh and most important getting back into blogging - cannot get sick doing that :)